Sometimes an "I miss you" is just an "I miss you"
Contemplating what to do about my last post, on Saturday I went to a Halloween party. I knew if I had to, I could relax until winter break, but it still irritated me that until that point I couldn't talk about how I felt. I didn't need a talking schedule; I just wanted to know what was going to happen.
I ended up getting a little tipsy at the party, where I dressed as a Catholic school girl. According to some members of the party who had attended such schools, my outfit was more accurate than it was costume-like. As my friend and I were getting ready to leave, I hopped outside to return a missed call from boyfriend, who had also texted me saying: "Love you... I've been busy all day. Wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I'm heading back to Bellingham in a bit. I'll call you on the way."
When boyfriend picked up the phone, I told him I was leaving a party but could call him when I got back to campus in an hour or so. He said he would probably be home smoking with his buddies by then. His free time the following day was exactly opposite from mine. "Oh well, we'll figure something out" we agreed. Still, it was frustrating how hard it was getting to just get ahold of each other.
When I got on the train, I texted him to convey this: "On the train, won't be able to talk for 30 min but I want to talk soon, I hate not being able to talk & I'm sad about it, it's really bugging me."
His response: "[MBIC] we are busy tomorrow. I don't think I work Monday. You can email me and I will email you too."
Me: "I know that I'm just telling you I'm sad we can't talk & I miss you. Wasn't meant to sound whiny. I miss you & I'm having a hard time & also want to hear your news" (In our last argument, he had randomly slipped in that he was changing his major)
Him: "Ok. I'll talk to you later then."
What was that? Here I was telling him I missed him and wished we had time to talk, and instead of saying a simple "I miss you too" like I had hoped, he was trying to get me to shut up? Or was I reading too much into this? I responded with: "Ok. I'll try calling anyway. I can't tell if you're irritated or mad & it's bothering me"
Him: "Of course I'm irritated. Nothing makes you happy. It's exhausting."
Whoa... I wasn't trying to tell him that he was doing anything wrong. I just wanted to talk to him soon! It didn't seem unreasonable. "I don't think it's crazy that I want to talk to you. I would be happy if that didn't bother you, if it does I'm at a loss."
Him: "[MBIC] I do want to talk. And we will. Just please chill out. Not talking for a day or so isn't the end of the world."
Not the end of the world, you say? Well what a relief! This whole time I thought that if we didn't talk every day, the moon would get locked in place in front of the sun and eclipse the world forever, ruining the ecosystem we have come to depend on as a source of life itself!
... Yeah, no. I'm not actually retarded.
When I got to my room, I tried calling him, but he didn't pick up. "Fine," I said to myself, and got ready for bed. I would deal with it later. Maybe someday he wouldn't misinterpret everything I said.
In the midst of my routine, boyfriend called me back. The conversation began with no clear direction, so I gave a long speech in the hopes of quickly clarifying what I thought was going on. I explained that I knew the world wouldn't end if we didn't talk, and all I had meant to do was tell him that I missed him. Our previous discussion about "what to do" had simply been an effort to avoid this kind of miscommunication, because we would both know what to expect. I just wanted to be able to tell him how I was feeling.
Unfortunately, boyfriend did not see eye to eye with me. He mainly said that our agreement had been to not have these kind of conversations, that he wasn't willing to deal with them, and that they took him away from his life. He said it was obvious that I couldn't just "chill out" until winter, and that he wasn't able to be in a relationship with me if this was the case. He dismissed the importance of my being allowed to discuss my feelings, and said that I should have known to email him anything of that sort, so we could avoid a conversation like the one we were having.
I asked him how I could have known that saying "I miss talking to you" would lead to this conversation, and refused to be told that my feelings should be disregarded and not discussed until winter.
Finally, boyfriend said: "I'm done talking about this... you can email me and I'll email you, or I'll call you on Monday or Tuesday."
I was furious that he thought he could treat me this way and then assume that I would want to even speak to him. "I'm not going to email you, and I'm not going to call you. I don't know what to do about this, but I am offended at the way you've talked to me and disregarded my needs."
Firm in his desire to get off the phone, and after several threats to leave the conversation, boyfriend finally asked to go, with the preamble of "I don't want to hang up on you, but..."
I didn't have a response, so I finally just said "Mmkay." We hung up and I dragged myself into bed.