Get ready...

After talking to my girl friends and my dad (who is my default go-to man for relationship advice), I decided I'm going to talk to boyfriend. It's weird. I didn't used to decide to talk to him, it was never much of a question before. In fact, I used to go to him first and talk to my dad or girl friends afterwards about any lingering problems.

Now that I've been talking to everyone but him first, it's come to my attention that one of the biggest changes in our relationship is that I no longer feel like he is my best friend. We used to talk on the phone for hours. When he went on vacation with his family to the east coast, I drove home to talk to him for an hour and then went back to hang out with my friends again when we got off the phone. We used to talk every day for at least half an hour on the phone when I went to school - the whole first year. This year, I had to suggest that we set up a specific time to talk, once a week. We were both pretty busy. But also, I got the feeling that he didn't really mind it if we didn't talk much. And I think it's because his friends, Losers 1 & 2, moved up to his town this year.

Whether it's true or not, I don't feel like I'm a priority in his life anymore (although he insists I am). Do I get to pull the "actions speak louder than words"? Because it seems like he only calls me when he happens to have a free minute and happens to think of me. And I get that he's a pretty spontaneous guy, and I don't need to change him. But I do need to feel like I'm a part of his life. And, especially when you're in a long distance relationship, that means needing to be a part of his day. It hurts me when I call him and he tells me he's just hanging out, went bowling with his friends, made dinner, watched a movie... that he had time to do all of that, but not to call me. Because he says "I'm going to be really busy this week" but he can make time to go bowling with his friends, so I know that he could make time for me.

The reason I don't drop him like a dirty bag of laundry is because we have a history. Not just because we've been together so long, I love him, blah blah blah. But because I've seen him be more committed, he's been my confidant, my best friend. I know he treat me the way that I feel I need to be treated in order to be happy in a relationship. So if it's possible, and since I do love him, I'd like to work through this.

It may be one of those "rough times" that happen in longer relationships. But as of right now, I don't think he knows about it. So, it's a "rough time" just for me? The problem I have is that I don't know how to talk about it with him, how to bring it up. It's kind of nervewracking. And every time I hear from him or think about talking to him, I feel like I have to talk about it NOW. But I should wait until he comes back home so we can talk in person. So until then...

Handling instructions

1. Don't ever imply that hanging out with your friends is more fun than hanging out with your girlfriend.

2. Following this implication, do not try to get lucky.

3. If you say you're going to call your girlfriend, don't call her friend first, especially when she's in the same room as your girlfriend.

4. If your girlfriend brings something up that's bothering her, don't say that it's retarded to be talking about it. Don't be immediately angry and defensive, especially if she isn't accusing you of anything. Don't tell her that you "shouldn't have to deal with this shit." If you're yelling at her, you should have to.

5. Any fight having to do with your relationship is something you should have to deal with. It is not always up to your girlfriend to fix everything, and it is not "her" problem.

6. After a fight, when you come over with your friends, the first thing you do should not be a macho "yeah baby" air kiss.

7. Don't always expect your girlfriend to apologize. Especially if you yelled at her. She has feelings.

8. Don't act like nothing happened.

The break - pt II

Boyfriend decided not to date her. He told me that he had almost made out with her at a party and then felt guilty about it. I felt less happy about his decision than I had expected: he still liked this girl, and he almost did something about it. I wasn't sure if he chose me because he felt obligated, or what.

During the winter break, I came to his school to visit him. On New Years Eve, he had a bunch of people over, including the girl he thought about dating. I felt jealous. She looks like this:

She seemed nice, outgoing... and I was drinking. I started to feel self-conscious and needed boyfriend's reassurance. I found him and asked him if he thought she was hotter than me. He said no, he thought I was prettier. I asked him why. He didn't understand the question. So I clarified: What about me is hotter than her? Boyfriend thought this was a silly question and decided not to answer seriously. He said "Your hair."

I freaked out and started talking to other people about it. One person swore that boyfriend had called and said he had made out with her. Boyfriend denied this. They all approved of me and said that she was not attractive. I was not comforted.

I later found out that boyfriend had not made out with her. It all came up in a conversation between my friend Attention Whore and her.

Girl: "Yeah, his girlfriend didn't seem to like me. She didn't talk to me at all."

AW: "Well you know why, right?"

Girl: "No?"

AW: "Because boyfriend had a crush on you..."

Girl: "What??"

AW: "Didn't you like him?"

Girl: "I never even thought about it."


So it seems like I am the jealous type. Lucky for me boyfriend didn't get too upset about what I did during our break.

The break - pt I

Boyfriend and I broke up at the end of last summer, and got back together right before Thanksgiving. So, we were apart roughly four months. During this time, I "moved on" and boyfriend "waited." We remained "friends." When we spoke online (not often), he always asked me if I wanted to get back together, and I always said I wanted more time to figure out what I wanted. I wanted to make sure that if we got back together, it was because I was sure I wanted to be with him and not because I was comfortable with him.

When we got back together, we decided to be in an open relationship until I came home for the winter. About a week after we got back together, boyfriend told me he liked a girl and asked me if I would be mad if he didn't her. He thought I would be angry because I had always said that an open relationship gave us the opportunity to date other people to help us understand whether we want to be together. I told him that it was his decision.

Over the months, he had passed up opportunities to date other girls, but since it seemed that I had moved on, he had become resigned. And thought one of his coworkers was cute. And had been thinking about asking her out.

Of course, I was pretty hurt and scared of what his decision might be and what that might mean. But I didn't want to re-enter the relationship telling him what he could and couldn't do. Later on, he might think "I could have dated her if she hadn't told me not to."

When it rains, it pours

Today I woke up to a text from boyfriend that said

"Sorry I forgot to call you [last night] baby. I was really tired. Can't wait to see you. Love you"

At least he knew he forgot to call. Then we chatted online for a bit and I tried to get him to agree to have each of us do something romantic for each other. He said "maybe". We also talked about spending a weekend at my parent's vacation house.

Then, he called me on his way to work, "just to say hi."

Then, he texted me while I was in a movie: "I wanna kiss you"

Then, he called me when I was in the grocery store.

Then, he called me on his way home, to chat and then say goodnight.

So... I guess when it rains, it pours?

Short and not-so-sweet phone calls

Boyfriend is getting out of school and coming home around June 9th. He's also coming home to visit next Friday. So after seeing him one day, we're just twiddling our thumbs until his summer officially begins. This is why I'm not sure if I should be annoyed or not. But we haven't spoken on the phone for more than a minute since I've been home. We talk almost every night, just to say hi and I love you and I miss you. But the "what did you do today" is kind of skipped over.

Today he called me and left a message saying he would be at home and I should call him so we could chat. When I called him, he wasn't doing anything but almost as soon as I got on the phone, he said he had to go do homework. Okay... I said I had noticed we hadnt really been talking, to which he replied

"We'll do a bunch of talking next weekend"

Which I understand. But you can't just set aside a weekend to talk about all the little things that happened to you over two weeks. Not that I want to tell him the color of my pee and what shade of lipstick I wore, but he didn't ask me how my weekend was or how my internships are going, etc.

We'll see how it goes when he's back in town. Hopefully I can wait that long for a real conversation.

The gifts part 2

I forgot another gift I made for boyfriend:
I got a really nice box and made a collage of pictures that I veneered onto it for him to keep things in (a 'memory' box. His old one was a regular shoe box)

Things that boyfriend has gotten for me in the past:

1. A build-a-bear monkey with voice things saying inside joke things in them

2. A gorgeous sapphire necklace for our 6 month anniversary

3. A framed drawing of a picture of us from Homecoming (he didn't draw it... but it did take the artist 3 hours to shade the upper lip)

4. A dozen roses for my birthday this year and last year. He got me a vase this year too since last year I didn't have one and had to take the filter out and use my Brita pitcher

5. When he was in a computer science class he had to test certain programs and build one for homework. He sent me the program, which was basically "Enter the name of the person you love" (answer is his name), "How many kisses do you want" etc. (That one is my favorite)


Lately our gift-giving has been a lot more low key. Other than the birthday flowers, he hasn't given me anything other than DVDs (which I hate getting) for over a year. I still make an effort occasionally, but I stopped putting so much effort into his gifts because he didn't seem too excited about them.

We've also had many arguments about gifts because I like receiving them (it doesn't have to be things you buy so it's not about money) but he says that he doesn't feel like he can give me anything "spontaneously" since I told him that I want him to...

I also used to do a lot more sweet little things for him and I stopped because they usually went unreturned. He promised to do things like write and play a song for me, but never did. He also said on the phone that he wanted to make me breakfast, but never did when I came to visit. When asked, he says that he means it when he says he wants to do things but he just doesn't get around to doing them. He also takes me out to restaurants that aren't all that classy (Dennys?), and I can't help noticing that whenever I take him out, it's to much nicer restaurants and he doesn't seem to notice or care.

Why I don't feel guilty

So I didn't remember boyfriend's birthday. But I have given him some pretty awesome gifts in the past:

1. His first birthday that we were together, I blindfolded him and switched cars halfway to a baseball game so we'd arrive with his family. Already at the park were all of our friends, sitting right next to us.

2. Our first Christmas together, I made him a t-shirt. It took me like 6 hours to figure out the paint screen and then I had to make the design (a dragon) and screen it on.

3. A build-a-bear with the paw sound effect saying "I love you" (in my voice)

4. A scavenger hunt - the clues were to places in my house where specific memories had happened (i.e. our first 'I love you', in the living room, etc.) and the gifts usually related to the clues.

5. Before leaving for college, I was thoughtful enough to get him a large tube of warming KY. (Poor kid had never used lube before)

6. A vinyl record from his favorite band

7. Wearing sexy lingerie ($70 total, so yeah it's a gift) home on the plane, lighting candles for him

8. Almost-naked pictures

9. A romance (porn?) story at his request


Any votes on which of these was the best?

Bad Girlfriend Alert

One sign you're a bad girlfriend:

Boyfriend: "I'll talk to you tomorrow, because it's my birthday"

Me: *moment of silence* "Yeah it is!" shit

And I'm too young to claim Alzheimers. Crap.

I have a headache

UGH.

I call boyfriend to say goodnight before I go to bed, and he's over watching a movie with Loser 2. As we were getting off the phone:

Me: "Okay well why don't you call me when you're about to go to bed?"

bf: "Well, I'm about to leave Loser 2's place and go right to bed anyway."

Me: "So? Just call me to say goodnight really quick."

bf: "Well plus I have a really bad head ache"

Me: "um... so?"

bf: "So yeah. Anyway I'll talk to you tomorrow sometime. Love you."


What?! How does it work to "head-ache" your way out of calling your girlfriend before you go to sleep? It's a 30 second "I love you" phone call. It really can't be excruciatingly painful, especially when you're still capable of watching a movie.

Sex post

I am momentarily wrong about boyfriend.

He picked me up at the airport, and though we didn't have sex in the car, we did fool around almost as soon as humanly possible. We ate lunch and then went to my house where I said hello to my mom. She walked in and out of the kitchen bringing photos of her new vacation house, and as soon as she left the room, boyfriend started kissing my neck, tickling my back... it was a little unbearable.

So we went up to my room to unpack. These days, unpacking means blowjob.

Now, the whole fooling around as soon as possible isn't new. Especially when I first get home. But as soon as we finished, we went out to the TV room and started watching, and after only a few minutes, he hinted that he wanted some more action (by discreetly unzipping my pants). It was then that I found out that boyfriend had forgotten to bring the condoms with him. Loser. He got a handjob. We promised to have sex later on. I suggested twice.

We went to the store and got condoms on the way to visit his mom's house, where I fell asleep because 1) I had gotten only 9 hours of sleep in the last 3 days, and 2) his mom's new couch is so comfy! After a few hours, boyfriend dove me back to my house and, armed with condoms, lube, and sleeping parents, we had the sex. Not bad.

However, he is rather skinny and his hip was hitting my thigh. I woke up with a bruise. Also, my other thigh has an unhealed injury that is now worse (oops..).

Then he went home. On the phone today, he actually complained that we didn't have sex the second time. This makes me hopeful that he won't be as disinterested (or at least seem that way) as he has been. Or this might be the "I just got my girlfriend back" sexual excitement that dies away in a week.

Either way he's back at school and I won't see him for 2 weeks. Now my thighs can heal.

Sexy doesn't matter when you're this tired

I go home tomorrow!! I'm so excited!

Unfortunately, I have to pack all my towels for storage, which means my last shower was this morning. I always try to make sure that the first time I see boyfriend after some time apart I look great. And clean. I try to make sure my legs are shaved, my pretty panties are on, and my skin is looking good... You know, so he doesn't forget why he's still with me.

However, none of this will be happening. The last two days, I pulled all nighters finishing my work. Tonight I have to pack and then I'm going to the bar with my senior friends because they're graduating and who knows if I'll ever see them again?

I will most likely come off the plane sweaty, greasy-haired, and stubbly-legged, wearing nothing exciting but my new bra (picture to come). I hope he likes the grunge look; I'll try to convince him it's trendy.

Lazy Vagina

So, in lieu of doing any real exercise (due only to an injury I acquired this year, I promise), and due to my dirty mind and immersion in women's pop culture, I recently realized something. I should be doing Kegel exercises. The main reason: "The aim of Kegel exercises is to... increase sexual gratification." That's right. I figure I may as well do my part to be good in bed.

But it's a pretty irritating workout. No, I'm not loose or have a lazy vagina or anything disgusting or cruel like that (though thanks for thinking it). But think about another exercise, like going running. It's hard at first if you're not used to it, and it can get frustrating too. But at least you use your leg muscles every day. Women don't get workouts in our special places just by walking around.

I don't know if this new workout is worth the effort. Last night I had to give up and masturbate to comfort myself.

Stay cool. No, for reals this time

School is ending on Friday, and I'm going home to boyfriend on Saturday. I've pretty much stopped caring about my rule of not calling him first. Not that I call him all the time, but maybe before I go to bed or something. And I don't really want to play around with not initiating sex. At least not right away. That would just be unfair to me. I will try it at some point, just not when I haven't had any for 4 months.

The other thing is, I pretty much always say "I'm going to be really laid back and cool this time" when I'm about to see him. You know, not freak out when he eats without me or doesn't write me love songs and buy me flowers. But it doesn't always work. So as per usual, I'm saying it again. Laid back. Cool. That's how I'm gonna be.

Like the lady in the picture, only less laughing.

PS: Look forward to the awesome sex post after my return on Saturday!

Karma? Me likey

Boyfriend might be coming home for the summer!

This was previously out of the question. During the school year, boyfriend lives about two hours north of our hometown. He decided this year to stay up there, even if I came home, because he wanted to get a place with his leech-resembling friends, Losers 1 & 2.

Boyfriend is also big on complaining, and had been complaining about the following:

1. That I didn't know my summer plans; whether I would come home or end up somewhere else (doing internships)
2. That if I did come home, I might leave for a few weeks to see my dad
3. That if I came home, he would have to drive down to see me, and that's expensive (tank of gas)

And of course, offering to look for a job where he lived led him to say "Why?".

Today I got a voicemail from him saying "I need to talk to you about something..." in a somber voice, (which scared me because I didn't do anything wrong, dammit) followed by "I might have to come home for the summer."

Even though the reason is his job and not my love for him, persuasiveness, or breasts, I still feel that I have won. My faith in always being more right than boyfriend is restored.

Extra bonus: if he comes home for the summer, he will be nowhere near Losers 1 & 2.

Google "spank". C'mon, it's fun

Me and boyfriend's first fight was about whether it's okay to spank your children.

Anyone think that's odd?

Some things you're meant to just go along with

I'm currently trying to figure out where I'm going to work over the summer. My mom wants me to help her out with her new business, but I'm studiously avoiding this option. I've been looking up and down (right and left) on craigslist to see if I can find something that I actually want to do. It's a split between filmmaking (my love) and administrative work (which pays). Anyway, I noticed that boyfriend's city was listed on the site so I searched for some jobs in that section, only to find that it was pretty much empty.

Last night on the phone, we talked a bit about summer plans because I still don't know mine. And I half-jokingly said: "Wouldn't it be great if I got a job up there?"

Boyfriend's response: "Why?"

Me: "Um, so we could see each other more? Why else?"

Him: "Well, we wouldn't be able to have our own apartment. I'm already living with Losers1 & 2, I signed a lease."

Me: "I know that. I meant that I would move in."

Him: "Oh, well... I don't know if that would be okay with them."


Again. I wasn't serious. There weren't even jobs up there. It was one of those "Wouldn't it be great if..." things. You have to go with people on those things. Because otherwise they end up like me, wondering 1) Whether boyfriend wants to be around me, and 2) How stupid he actually is.

My Boyfriend is Stupid: alternate blog title?

Who needs a home pregnancy test when you have a mother?

Boyfriend's mom can be a kind of paranoid lady. For example, when she sees an ambulance go by, she often calls her kids to make sure no one is in it. So I guess I shouldn't have been too surprised that last summer, she thought I was pregnant. After all, boyfriend said to her one morning: "After work I want to talk to you about something"

His mom took this to mean: "After work I want to tell you I got my girlfriend pregnant"

So he goes to work and she freaks out. Here is her evidence for why I was pregnant:
1) A few weeks ago when I was at his house, I felt sick and my stomach hurt
2) We had been fighting lately, so he had been "acting differently" at home
3) "Mothers just know"

So she starts freaking out and calls boyfriend's older sister A and tells her that she thinks I'm pregnant, and A and boyfriend's mom start talking about what should happen. Here is roughly how the conversation went.

Mom: "Well she will still want to go to school... and so will boyfriend. I could take the baby when it's born and take care of it."

A: "Yeah and I could carry the baby!"

Mom: "What? You can't do that..."

A: "Well Phoebe did it for her brother in Friends."

Mom: "This is a little different. The baby is already inside her, you can't just take it out and put it in you."

A: "Whatever"


So when his mom finally sees him after work, she's all freaking out to hear what he wanted to talk about and he's like "What? Mom, I just wanted to talk about getting insurance for the car."

Mom: "So she's not pregnant?!"

Boyfriend: "What?! No..."


Overall, I found pregnancy to be a painless and somewhat unimportant part of my life. I wonder why people think it's such a big deal.